You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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