That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
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