I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
