I wish my penis had an off switch
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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