How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
