two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Randomize
