bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
