meet me or not, i'm out of control
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
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