I murdered the dance floor call the cops
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
