I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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