Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
