Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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