Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Randomize
