if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
