whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Randomize
