I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
