do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Congratulations! We have a period
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
