Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I need water and some morals
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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