ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
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