I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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