nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Randomize