I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
