Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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