at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
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