you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize
