My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
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