It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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