addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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