If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
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