2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Randomize
