There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
