He is such a slut. More and more my type.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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