where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
