He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
