you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
