Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
this must be what syphilis tastes like
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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