you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
