I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
