And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
