Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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