so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
He did a backflip because drugs
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
