i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
