Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
