what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
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