So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
