i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Randomize
