Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
