you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
