is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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