glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
