Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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