Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Alive.
So much puke
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
