I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
