just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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