God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
