my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Randomize