I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
you would pick up someone in the library
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize