At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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