I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize