I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
my sisters under your porch take her home
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Randomize
