Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Randomize
