trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
