I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
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