why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
