So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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