Ambien. No doubt about it.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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