You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
