Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
