She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
They are going to name an STD after you.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
