YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
