She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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