he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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