I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
