Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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