haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
