My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize